How To Retain Your Love After The Birth Of Your Baby
Retaining love between husband and wife after the birth of a child is the struggle every couple go through in life.Many have lost their passion for their spouse thereby weaken the pillar of their marriage.Children that suppose to be a bundle of joy has now become a bundle of trouble due to ignorance of what to do.What Dr Cherry wrote in marriage missions is really commendable as it address the subject matter.Read it below: How To Retain Your Love After The Birth Of Your Baby
A couple will have only about one-third as much discretionary time after the baby is born as they had before their first child. With the overwhelming demands of caring for a new baby added to all the requirements of daily living already present, something is going to have to give. And unfortunately, that “something” is usually the marriage, and more specifically —the spouse. After all, isn’t he or she big enough to take care of himself or herself? How To Retain Your Love After The Birth Of Your Baby
It is easy to let the other supposedly independent adult in the house take a backseat to the crying baby and just about everything else. The dishes are not going to wash themselves, and the laundry isn’t going to fold itself, but we convince ourselves that the marriage is going to grow itself. Of course, this is not true. We must work on reestablishing priorities to make sure that the marital relationship ranks higher than dirty diapers and dishes.How To Retain Your Love After The Birth Of Your Baby
Here are a few suggestions to help try to make the most of the time you do have available:
- Be selective about what outside commitments you make. Be willing to say no to friends, family, work events, and so forth. Your time as a couple is so limited that you must first take into account the amount of time the two of you have together before planning outside engagements. Avoid over-committing, and set priorities for your time. There are only so many hours in a day or week. You cannot expect to keep doing everything you have always done once you start adding children to the list of daily requirements.How To Retain Your Love After The Birth Of Your Baby
- Take advantage of nap time or early morning time. While the baby is still asleep, enjoy a cup of coffee together and chat about your day. You may want to read the paper together and share your thoughts or simply hold hands and snuggle while you watch the news or a favorite television program.
- Turn the television off. Television is not evil, but if no limited, it can eat up a lot of precious time. If you are in the habit of having the television on even when you have no intention of watching it, you probably have realized how easy it is to get drawn into something that you would never have chosen to watch. Plan ahead by being selective about which television programs you want to watch. When the program is over, turn the television set off.
The second of the two most deadly threats to marital stability and satisfaction has to do with the lack of energy you have available to devote to your relationship. You feel as though you are constantly running on empty during the first few months (and sometimes years) of parenting. Sleep deprivation is a given for any couple with a baby in the house, and it is one of the biggest culprits in stealing our energy… How To Retain Your Love After The Birth Of Your Baby
Here are some suggestions to help couples learn to improve their energy and savor what limited energy they do have available:How To Retain Your Love After The Birth Of Your Baby
Ten Steps to Survive and Thrive through the First Quarter
1. Be flexible and do no expect perfection. Remember, everything is changing, and it takes time to adjust and find your way through this new maze of responsibilities and roles. Being flexible, both with yourself and your spouse, will reduce tension. There is no “right” way to parent. You will develop a routine that works for the two of you and your baby.
Do not worry if it is not the same as the way some of your friends are doing it. Avoid setting unrealistic expectations for either of you or the baby. Be sure to take time to share with each other if you feel that unrealistic expectations are forming, and then discuss these openly.
2. Find a balance. For now, the needs and demands of your baby will likely take center stage in this three-ring circus you are calling a marriage. But remember, there are two other rings to attend to as well —you and your spouse. Doing little things to take care of your spouse and yourself can make all the difference in the world. While the baby naps, do something for one or both of you instead of focusing on catching up on household chores. For example, take a nap, call a friend, read a magazine, or chat with your spouse.
3. Talk to each other every day. Take time every day to check in with each other. Talk about changing expectations and needs, division of labor, disappointments and fears about parenting, whatever you want —just keep talking. Remember that communication involves both talking and listening. You need to be the best listener you can possibly be if you want your spouse to continue to share with you his or her deepest thoughts, feelings, fears, and needs.
4. Get out of the house. This can be with or without the baby, because both can be fun. Fresh air, fresh faces, and fresh conversation can help you avoid feeling that the world is passing you by. Get out there and be a part of the activities that you and your spouse choose together. This will help contain feelings of loneliness and isolation that many parents of young children experience.
5. Develop a couple-centered, not a child-centered, relationship. If you make your children your number one priority, their never-ending need for attention will eat up everything you have to give, and the rest of your life will suffer because of it. Love your children, provide for them, and meet their needs. But remember that one of their most important needs is to have parents who really love each other.
6. Become co-parents, not compulsive parents. One of the major problems I see couples having today has to do with the “super-parent” role so many of us believe we have to take on. Moms and dads alike (usually moms more than dads at this stage) can fall into the trap of believing they are the only person who can adequately care for the baby. Somehow they forget that many a parent has come and gone before them and has learned to care adequately for these helpless little creatures just as they have.
But when it comes to their baby, they are convinced that it has to be done a certain way, and no one can do it as well as they can. This can even apply to the other parent. Becoming a compulsive parent will only isolate you and eventually lead to parenting burnout. Parents need breaks and need to support each other.
7. Redefine romance. Let’s face it, intimacy and romance as they were once defined become much more difficult once you become a parent. The availability of privacy and time for just the two of you may seem almost nonexistent. And when it is available, you may not have the energy to focus or perform.
During this stage of parenting, find new ways to stay connected physically. You may find yourselves touching more often in nonsexual ways and wanting to cuddle up together at night, even though you may not desire anything more. Be patient with each other in this area, and remind each other that “this too shall pass” and you will be able to regain spontaneous, uninterrupted lovemaking in the future.
8. Establish an outside support network. This includes friends and family you can call on for help on an especially stressful day or who are there as a sounding board and to offer advice. This also includes anyone you can hire to help out with daily chores such as housecleaning, laundry, meal preparation, and lawn mowing. And don’t forget those moms’ groups, Bible studies, and couples from church that can help fill your need for adult conversation. If someone offers to help out, accept! Don’t try to go it alone.
9. Schedule couple time. Busy couples do not just find time for each other; they make time for each other. Taking time to connect with your spouse every day is an essential element to keeping a marriage strong. Remember to kiss every day, hug each other as you leave and return home, sit together holding hands while you watch television. These little connection times can make all the difference in the world in helping the two of you feel treasured by each other.
Set aside a large block of time to spend together at least once a week. Hire a babysitter, get away from the house and baby, and remember who you married and why. You did not get married to have children; you got married because you were in love with each other. Now, while you are raising children, keep reminding each other what it is you love about each other. Spending time together, dating, and talking with each other are the best ways to do this.
10. Develop a sense of humor, because when all else fails (and it probably will at least once in a while), it helps to laugh!