She is my biggest mistake. Wish I never married her
She is my biggest mistake. Wish I never married her
I am in my early 30s, a graduate, from the south-western part of the country, married and I have a beautiful baby girl which I have now cherish. She is less than a year old. My wife is 4 years older than me (I’m aware of this before I married her). I am a fervent Christian and a Minister of God.
When I was in School, I had this girlfriend- Deola. We were friends for 3 years before we started dating in 200L, she came to my house only 2-3 times. She is a good girl with good morale, perfect for a wife; and I really love her (even till now). But, I met another girl- Tolani (a Yoruba as well) in 300L, 2nd Semester through a programme I was presenting on Radio then and we did presented together and my girlfriend know about her. She had warned me but she was sure just as I am that I cannot date her. Tolani and I were just friends; she doesn’t know my girlfriend and I know she’s dating someone but I don’t care about her man. Things went on like this till I graduated. Deola’s parent know me very well since we were friends and later-on when we started dating. During my service year (which was in one of the South-South State), I started getting close to Tolani even on phone. My parents saw Tolani with me once when we came to my house together. Summarily, I fell in love with Tolani. Don’t blame me because things went fast than I could imagine. We see each other at least twice a week unlike my girlfriend- once in two weeks. I had made a decision to date her if things fell into place.
I gave my mum Deola and Tolani names to pray about them as regards who I should get serious with especially when it comes to marriage as she normally does that for my brothers and Sisters. That day, they (my parents) travelled back to their base as I live in another town where my school is and my temporary base. I had travelled all the way from my NYSC posting to that town (middle belt state) for convocation. Summarily, I went to Tolani’s house and without “toasting” her, with mutual consent as we had got so close, we started a relationship.
Days and weeks later as me and my girlfriend- Deola had not been too close of recent; I had to break-up with her because I couldn’t double-date. I loved Deola so much as I had done that for over 5 years but I had to break up with her for some personal reasons. Don’t blame me yet as I will share it with you. I know myself and I know that even if I marry Deola, I might cheat on her because of some things. Not that I’ve intimate with Deola or Tolani before; No, I didn’t Be Intimate with any of them. I like and love some things in my woman- that is big b.o.o.b.s. Deola has a small one but Tolani had big ones. I loved them both, but I didn’t want o lack anything that might make me commit adultery when I get married, , I loved them both, but I didn’t want to lack anything that might make me commit adultery when I get married. I went back to my NYSC base but not after I had seen Deola- my heartthrob the following day when I left Tolani.
I received the shocker of my life when my mum told me that after praying, I can marry Deola and not Tolani. Again my Aunt’s husband who is a Pastor said If I marry Tolani, she will not give me peace till I die. She will be a stain on my life and hinder me from reaching my greatness.
On my way back to my NYSC base I got this mysterious sickness, it was terrible and got worse the following day. On the third day, I couldn’t go out, my face swelled up. I had to travel by air back to my parent’s base via Lagos. Tolani was back from School and she came to meet me at the airport in Lagos. Both of my girlfriends were aware that I was seriously ill. Tolani came to meet me at the airport and saw me to the park where I took a bus to my parent’s base. After 8 weeks I was getting better and Deola came visiting all the while. At a point Tolani also came visiting from Lagos. Within me I had betrayed Deola. So after about 2 and half month, I was okay.
After much heartache and thought, I went to Deola house, and on that day, she was happy seeing me after a long time, I couldn’t tell her because it was hard knowing that the girl I had cherished and loved for about 6 years I will have lose her to another man. It was hard for me because she loved me dearly; she had make numerous sacrifices for me. She cherished me more than anything else and really trust me. So, on the second day which was Sunday, I went back to her house and I told her I want a break-up. It was hard for me but I left so as not to see her break down. More importantly, I could breakdown and tell her the reason why I wanted it right there. This was because I loved her dearly. After my service I got a job in Lagos. My parents knew I was still dating Tolani, they warned me so many times and tell my siblings , aunt and everybody to warn me. Tolani got to know by this time but was not happy. Because she’s from Ijebu, they said she charmed me. I was not happy. So I asked my mum to take me to the man of God who prayed on the name. She directed me to different men of God telling me it’s God’s voice. After much frustration I visited 2 of the men of God and they told me she was right for me. Even my Aunt’s husband who initially said she is the right person for me later said she isn’t and that she will not give me peace till I die. She will be a stain on my life and hinder me from reaching my greatness. My aunt also said she prayed with another prophet and the prophet said the same thing. I got the prophet’s contact and later on went to him anonymously. He prayed about Tolani and said she is okay and will not be a problem. After much trouble, I told my parents I will still marry her no matter what because God is not an author of confusion. After all, my mum’s pastor said she’s okay so also is my Aunt’s prophet.
I arranged for a Court wedding (Registry) and we got married without my parent’s consent. Her mum is late but her Dad was aware. My parent had earlier went to Tolani’s house to warn them that I won’t marry her and that I am only wasting her time. On that day, we had the wedding. Though my mum called me a day earlier to tell me about a dream she had that I got married without their consent. Eventually we got married. My parents didn’t come as I didn’t inform them. None of my family members came. I later informed my elder brother who lived with me and he informed my other siblings except my parents.
After about 5 months Tolani got pregnant and after 9 months, she delivered a baby girl. I informed my brother who had left me months after we got married. I didn’t inform my parent about the baby as they were not aware I was married. We were at loggerhead. My baby is about 6 months now.
A year after we got married, my wife- Tolani had changed. She no longer obeys me. She doesn’t respect me anymore. 6 months after we got married, I had problems at work, my car with company valuable was stolen; everything stolen was worth 1.5million naira. My boss demanded that I had to pay it back. For 5 months, I didn’t collect any salary. Not a dine. The following 1 year plus, I was repaying the loan as the company deducted 80% of my salary and I go home with only N25, 000 as monthly take home. Throughout this time, I was down financially, she took care of our expenses, it was pretty hard. So, she started behaving strangely, she disrespects me. I am a minister in our Church- even in church she misbehaves. At one time, after she delievered our baby, 2 days to christianing, she abused me with unimaginable words, telling me all sorts including this “that she’s not the cause of my life’s problem, I am the cause and I should go find solution to my life”. I got mad and told her that I’m tired of her troubles that she can go back to her father’s house if she wants. But she told me I will be the one to leave as she rented the apartment. Truly, she had brought about N350,000 out of the N450,000 we used to rent our 3 bedroom apartment. Since then, she humiliate me regularly. She gets home anytime she likes, she flaunts my orders. Now, I have no happiness in my life. I have just finished repaying all my money I owe my company due to the car theft. But she doesn’t cook well, if I complain a bit, it’s troubles for me. She doesn’t take care of our house; I do it on a daily and weekly basis. She even dirties the house.
As a result of my responsibility in church, I counsel youths, anytime they come to my house she behaves normally. At times, I wish I have another opportunity to choose a wife. She’s just a sorrow to me. She makes me regret my life. I can’t go back to my parents now. I have chosen a path and I must tread that path. I have prayed to God for forgiveness and He has forgiven me.
The last time I saw Deola, she was looking good and happy. God has given her a peaceful home but here I am regretting my past actions.
But my question is what can I do to make my wife (Tolani) love me just the way I do? Please I need your advice.
She is my biggest mistake. Wish I never married h
Lagos Singles And Married Conference 2016
Theme: Marriage Of My Dream
Venue: National Stadium, gymnasium hall (NIS), Surulere Lagos.
Date: September 25th, 2016.
Red Carpet starts by 1:00pm
Admission is FREE!
Don’t miss it!