-By Bisi Adewale
OVERCOMING RIGHT ACTIVIST IN MARRIAGE
“Let nothing be done through strife or vain glory; but in lowliness of mind. Let each esteem other better than themselves.” Philippians 2:3 OVERCOMING RIGHT ACTIVIST IN MARRIAGE
“I am the man in this house; I am the one who wears the pair of trousers. My right is to be respected, I am your head. You can’t argue with that.” Charles thundered those words at his wife in anger during a misunderstanding and she replied. “Yes, you are the man. You are the head and it is your right to be respected. But it is also my right to be provided for, to be loved and to be treated like a lady.
This you will never do, all you know is to place demand on me despite the fact that you have failed woefully in your responsibilities. If you don’t give me my own right, you can’t get yours.” Responded Gladys, his wife.OVERCOMING RIGHT ACTIVIST IN MARRIAGE
This kind of exchange is very common among couples who demand for their right.
No marriage can work if it involves two “right activists,” where both are talking about his or her own right not about obligations. One thing that easily destroys marriage but nobody is really talking about is what I call “right hunting.” It makes marriage difficult, as the home transforms into the house of two masters and no servant. This scenario is very quiet and hidden but it is one of the reasons marital life is very difficult for many.OVERCOMING RIGHT ACTIVIST IN MARRIAGE
DANGERS OF RIGHT ACTIVISM
1. It is based on selfishness and not on service
2. It breeds anger as the person who feels marginalized will easily become angry.OVERCOMING RIGHT ACTIVIST IN MARRIAGE
3. It leads to strife and fighting and hot exchange of words like the case of Mr & Mrs Charles as earlier mentioned
4. It leads to a very difficult marriage where everybody is a loser
5. It leads to a continuous cycle of strife and creates gulf between partners
6. It kills the “extra-mile” in marriage as nobody will be ready to make sacrifices for the other
7. It leads to unforgiveness, bitterness and resentment
8. It destroys a partner-focused relationship and glorifies a self-focused marriage
8. Until the mindset of the people involved is changed, the marriage cannot go forward
9. It destroys cooperation and unity as it removes “you, we, our, us” from the vocabulary of the family.OVERCOMING RIGHT ACTIVIST IN MARRIAGE
10. It brings a solo and self-empire atmosphere into the home
WORK TO DO
1. Annihilate the rights meantality from your heart
2. Be obligation-focused not right-focused
3. Have the servant heart as the husband or wife not the heart of a master
4. Grow up and become better
5. Be a giver in your marriage not a receiver, a distributor not a collector
6. Ask your partner, “what can I do for you?” Not “what can you do for me?”
7. Have an appreciative mind; appreciate good deeds no matter how small
8. If your right is not recognized, don’t withdraw your service.
Patronize your spouse no matter what happens. If you carry out your obligations; your right will be given.
Open a channel of communication with your partner; talk positively to him or her. It is not about placing demands or giving him or her lots of dos and don’ts.
Pastor Bisi Adewale is a family and relationship expert; author of Secret of Irresistible Wife and more than 70 other books on marriage and family life. You can reach him email@example.com, 08068312004, 08051512823, BB: 2AF5C883, Blog: www.bisiadewale.com, Website:www.familybooster.comfacebook.com/PastorBisiAdewale