How To Build Acceptance In Marriage


-By Bisi Adewale

Acceptance in marriage is a major ingredient for couple that want a lasting marriage.

“Where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcision or uncircumcision, Barbarians, Scythians, neither bond nor free, but Christ is all in all’’ (Colossians 3:11)

  • Your spouse can never be somebody else, accept him or her.
  • The man you don’t value is valuable to strange women outside; don’t lose him.
  • To a fool, the grass is always greener in the next compound.
  • Lack of acceptance in marriage is the mother of resentment.
  • Contentment and commitment are the foundation of acceptance.
  • Positive mindset is the foundation of acceptance.
  • You cannot love a woman you do not accept.
  • You will definitely resent a man you do not accept.
  • Want her to become another woman? Then become another man.
  • If you see that she is bad in everything, then you have bad eyes.
  • Your spouse is as good as you accept him or her.
  • You will only see what you desire to see in your mate.

“Pastor” he said sharply, “this woman is good for nothing. There is nothing she knows how to do; her food is bad, her dressing is not okay, she doesn’t know how to talk. I am tired of her, she has made my life to be miserable”, the confused man said.

“How do you want her cooking to be? I asked. “Is it too salty? Is there excess pepper? What do you really want? “Everything, everything is bad”, he replied”, I want her food to be like that of my mum, I want her to behave and dress like my mum. Until she does that, there can never be peace in that house” he said with a tone of finality.

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I had to labour for hours to convince this man that his wife can never cook, act and behave like his mum. She cannot be somebody else; she can change and adjust but becoming somebody else is impossible.

Accepting our spouse as a distinct personality and celebrating our differences is something that must be done if we must build a better marriage and an intimate relationship.

Why people do not accept their spouses

  • Comparison One major reason you have not been able to accept your spouse is comparison. If you are fond of comparing your wife with Mrs. A or Mrs. B, you will never appreciate the uniqueness or the “angel” in your house, and that would hinder you from enjoying the whole value of your spouse. Stop comparing your spouse, he or she can never be somebody else.
  • Change-mindedness-Most of us marry our spouse with the intention of changing him or her, and then we spend years of married life trying to do just that, thereby making life difficult for our beloved spouse. Please bear this in mind; you can’t change an adult, his or her character, mannerism, or habits, were already formed before you met him or her.
  • Inner picture- Another reason we always find it difficult to accept our mate is our inner picture, the picture we have in our mind about how a wife or husband should behave. If our spouse fails to meet this, it will lead to a lot of problems. Delete the inner picture now; accept him or her as he or she is.
  • Our background and experience- A young wife from Maryland, Lagos complained about how her husband has been difficult and terrible in character. During counseling, she revealed her expectation like this: “I want a man that is very romantic, hugs me every morning before he goes out, sends love text message to me during the day, buys greeting cards and flower for me, massages my body for me when he returns in the night”. According to her, that was how her uncle whom she lived with normally does to his wife and she has been looking forward to her husband doing the same thing to her.
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Unfortunately, the husband happens to be a traditional, rigid, non-romantic and no nonsense man. Despite all that this man was doing the woman failed to accept him because of her experience and expectation. Discuss your expectations with your spouse but never expect any man to meet your expectations only Christ can do that.

  • Consumer mindedness- Majority of us went into marriage with a consumer mind; we all look forward to be served, to be worshipped and to be celebrated without the mind of doing the same thing for our spouses. With a consumer mind you will always find it difficult to accept anything your spouse does for you.



  • It is the best thing for your marriage
  • It is the will of God for your home
  • It will make your spouse to accept you
  • To beautify your marriage
  • You must accept your spouse if you want God to accept you.
  • The best way to develop a friendly attitude towards our spouses is to accept them.
  • He or she is your choice- nobody forced you to marry your spouse, you chose your mate. The wisest thing to do is to live in peace with your choice.
  • He or she is your portion; you have no other one. Don’t throw your portion away –  celebrate him or her, (Ecclesiastes 9:9)
  • To remove every barrier between you
  • Everybody loves to be accepted and tends to flow with anybody that accepts them.
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Pastor Bisi Adewale is a family and relationship expert; author of Secret of Irresistible Wife and more than 70 other books on marriage and family life. You can reach him on, 08068312004, 08051512823, BB: 2AF5C883, Blog: