CONTEMPORARY ENEMIES OF MARRIAGE
No time has marriage been under attack than our present time, the rate of divorce is alarming even among the ministers of God who are suppose to be good examples to the people they are leading. Many marriages are in crisis, children are becoming delinquent, rate of family abandonment among men is high, child abuse is now a common thing all over the world, and marriage is becoming a by-word in civilized economy and subject of a cruel joke in many societies. We are full of quotable quotes that reveal the level of our thinking and wrong mental attitude about marriage and family life. Quotes like “marriage is like wine, it is not properly judge until the second glass” or ” marriage is the only war in which we sleep with the enemy.” And many more like these shows problem we have in marriage in our contemporary days.
Here, I will be exposing you to many things that are contemporary enemies of marriage, with suggested solution, so that you may learn how to handle them in your own marriage.
1. “Meism” – One of the most difficult enemies of modern marriage is self-centeredness, which I prefer to call “meism”, “This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy”, (2 Timothy 3:1, 2 KJV)
There is no time this scripture is truer than now, people are just lover of themselves than lover of God or their spouses. I, me, mine and myself, with many people given to self-glorification, self-justification, self -knowledge.
Selfishness is known to be at the centre of difficult marriages we are witnessing worldwide, because a good marriage is “we” not “me”. It is about giving, not about receiving. But, modern people’s definition of love, marriage and relationship is about themselves not about their partner, everybody try to get marry to the person that can serve them best, not people they can serve better. The result is; we have two service hunters joined together in matrimony. The result is always about ACRIMONY AND AGONY, Not MATRIMONY
Solution: know that marriage is not just about you, it is about service, about serving your spouse. So go ahead serve your mate, serve your partner, be a giver, be a lover, pour water on each other’s hands, IF YOU ARE TOO BIG TO SERVE ,YOU ARE TOO SMALL TO BE IN MARRIAGE.
2. Electronic Media- television and radio informs and make us to be aware of our environment, but with the level of immoral films and music on our airwaves today, many have been asking whether television is a blessing or curse to the institution of marriage, many of this films mis-inform people about love, relationship, sex and marriage.
Television is also known to be a very good thief of intimacy in marriage, many people spend about six hours watching television daily, having no time to blend and bond with their mates, but getting wrong information from actors and actresses and films producers who are mostly divorced, adulterous or in turbulent marriages.
Solution: Don’t submit your marriage to television and radio, don’t allow the remote-control to control your life and marriage, watching television should not be every time of your waking life. Regulate it, go for news and specific programs, avoid watching television wholesale. Be choosy. Love your marriage more than the “tube”.
3. WRONG MODELS. Another problem television, films and magazine has brought into marriage is the issue of wrong models, people tend to choose those they see on television as their life, family and marriage role- models either the person is doing well in his or her family life or not. Most of our so called celebrity are not having it cool in their marriages, most are separated from their spouses, many are neck deep in crisis and scandals, while so many have children outside wedlock, some are also single parent, while many of them are co-habitating, living together without marriage. If you make people like this your marriage role model, you are likely going to end up like them.
Solution: choose your role models wisely; make godly couples in good marriage your mentor.
4. Moral value eroding: erosion of moral value is another enemy of marriage. People are careless now about keeping their marriage vows, marriage covenant means nothing to many people, and they break it at willed- filling the bed, breaking the edge over their homes.
Solution: keep to your marriage vow, don’t break it, and don’t ever allow adultery in your marriage, keep your bed pure. Sleep only with your wife, women are not sweeter than each other unless if you are covetous, ungodly and immoral. Enjoyment that is in sex is just 8 seconds and can be less, will you destroy your beautiful life because of 8 seconds enjoyment? Please don’t do it, get the best from your wife and husband don’t destroy your marriage and your life.
5. Modern day Jobs: Many jobs nowadays are not family friendly at all, gone are the days when parent will be at home before their children arrive from the school, most parent do leave home before their children wakes up and may not be back until the children are already in bed.
Many modern jobs makes marriage difficult, for example the following jobs do affect intimacy negatively in marriage: jobs that involve constant transfer, job that involve night shift, jobs that involve permanent night duties, jobs that involve weekend and public holidays, jobs that take couples away from God, jobs that involve partners living in different cities or countries, jobs that separate you from your partner for more than 75 days a year. Jobs that involve you living homes at dawn only to return at midnight. Jobs that cannot pay your bills. All these are examples of many modern jobs and they all make marriage difficult.
Solution: work out a work life balance, always remember that work will end one day only family will remain, one day you will retire or resign. Somebody will one day take over your office and your desk no matter how good you are on your job. family is very important, one year after a worker death only the family will remember, only the family will visit the cemetery to clear and clean the burial place of their beloved, his secretary will not remember his bosses vice versa, is that the reason you want to kill yourself and neglect your family, your home, your tomorrow. make good use of your weekend together, don’t receive money in lieu of your vacation, go on leave be with your family, occasionally ask for casual leave just to be with your family, am told each staff is entitle to five days of casual leave, demand for it and be with your family, if you neglect your family when they are young they will neglect you when you are old. Husband and wife should plan to get out of water-tight jobs at least for one of you; you cannot be living like this, put your family ahead of career and maximize your future together.
- Social media: as good as social media is ,it has it own problems, many old lovers who are now married got to reconnect again through social media ,it is also easy now to meet new lovers through the social media, this increase the level infidelity in marriage and added more trouble to modern marriage.Solution: make positive use of social media, don’t use it to connect ex girlfriend or boyfriend or to get new date, it is dangerous for your marriage.
- Pornography: pornography addiction is now rampant among modern people there was nothing like that before the advent of the internet and it is affecting the foundation of family life as so many people are now addicted to naked bodies on the screen, making them to hate the body of their spouses, become sexually addicted, involve in masturbation and adultery.Solution: filter your computers don’t permit sexually explicit pictures on it. If you are addicted to pornography seek help before it destroy your marriage.
8. Mobile Phones, computer and internet. They have all added to the problem of the modern marriage. Mobile phones, Internet and computer are very good they have become indispensable to our life, but many people are misusing it to the sentiment of their family life, we now hear complaints from wives about thief husbands addiction to internet, laptops, I-Pad and phones
Mobile phone and internet makes infidelity more easier as illicit lover can now communicate more easily fuelling their love affairs.
Solution: don’t ever abandon your spouse
And get marry to phones, computer and the internet. These gadgets are to make you better not to ruin your marriage.
Don’t allow them to take over your home, put them where they belong, don’t ever allow them to take over your family time.
8. Gay marriage: No matter how western countries want to explain it, gay marriage is not a marriage, marriage is meant to be between a man and a woman ADAM and EVE not between a man and another man ADAM and STEVE. This is another enemy of modern marriage, it is certainly not the will of God it is satanic and demonic, no sensible Godly person should get involved in it, it is absurd.
Solution: Gay marriage emanated from sexual perversion of homosexual ism and lesbianism. God did not create anybody to be gay, exposure to pornographic materials, wrong association; alcohol and absence of the fear of God are the cause of gay marriage. Please note that very gracious judgment of God await all gays, don’t ever get yourself involve in it. Avoid pornography, wrong association and alcohol. If you are gay know that you are not normal, something is definitely wrong with you.
9. Alcohol and drug abuse: Drug abuse, alcohol intake and addiction is another enemy of marriage in our own time. Many homes had been broken because of drug and alcoholic problem by one or both of the partners. There is no way to make marriage work if alcohol problem is not first deal with and overcome.
Solution: if you have problem with drug and alcohol, look for help, please don’t pretend about it, go all out to look for solution before it consume your marriage and family life.
10: Love of money: love of money can easily destroy any marriage. It is at the root of stinginess, armed robbery, stealing, constant fight about money in marriage etc. a whole lots of couples fight about of money that is what love of money can do at home, many people are divorced because of money, while many are fighting serious battles in their marriages.
Solution: deal with spirit of love of money, it is a family destroyer, no family can succeed where it reigns, no home be alright where it’s ruling. Don’t ever allow money to separate you, rather let it be and instrument in your hands to build a better family life.
11. Third Party: friends, family members, children, colleagues, neighbour etc are all third parties in marriage and they can make or mar a marriage if they are not handle with wisdom of God.
Solution: let third party be what they are “friend of the family”, DONT ever permit them to come between you and your spouse to destroy your home; avoid rumors, wrong counsel, wrong information etc from them, don’t ever love anybody more than your spouse even your children are secondary in your home don’t allow them to come between you.
12: House Maid: because of the busyness of contemporary people and continuous absence from home from dawn till dusk every working day most of the time they need somebody to tend the home in their absence. This introduces another problem into family life of modern couples, the problem of house helps. This has led to all manners of problem as some of the house help are known to come with their own evil agenda, some are demonized, some came with all manner of diseases, some end up snatching the husbands of their “madams”, while some are known to molest the children of their boss sexually. While some steal the properties of their master and disappear or even lead to people to kidnap their children or invite armed robbers to come and rob their master.
Solution: Don’t employ house help except it is really, really necessary.
13: Cohabitation: living together before marriage is another modern day system that is hurting marriages today, statistics even shows that those that co-habitated before wedding have higher possibility of divorcing.
Solution: Avoid trial marriage or cohabitation before marriage, it is against the law of God
14: City life: city life can be interesting, you have access to many things people in the village do not enjoy, but city life has its own problem which do affect family life adversely. One them is traffic jams, sexual immorality, cost of living (which is always higher than the one in the village), mixture of culture and customs, time consuming jobs that demand leaving the home by 5am only to return by 11pm.
Solution: Always take time to get back your life from the city, plan your life in your way that you are not disconnected from your family. Live below your means, don’t join the rat race which city people are known for. I will also advise that one of you (may be the wife) should get a less time consuming job because of your children and family life, for both of you to be in Job that takes you away from home from, dawn till mid night every week day will greatly affect your marriage, intimacy, your sex life, your children and ultimately your relationship with God.
Pastor Bisi Adewale is a family and relationship expert; author of Secret of Irresistible Wife and more than 70 other books on marriage and family life. You can reach him on firstname.lastname@example.org, 08068312004, 08051512823, BB: 2AF5C883, Blog: www.bisiadewale.com, Website:www.familybooster.com facebook.com/PastorBisiAdewale.Twitt