By Bisi Adewale
Marital success is not based on luck as many people believe. Marital failure is not hereditary, and a turbulent marriage is not in the genetic.
That your parents marriage is enviable does not automatically mean you will enjoy the same; Just because your parents’ marriage crumbles does not mean yours will end up the same way. Those things that combine to determine the state of your marriage is what I called marriage success determinants. They are:
- Your Relationship with God (Psalm 23:1-3). If getting to green pastures and still waters in marriage is your dream, if getting your home restored is your own goal in your home, then God must be your Shepherd. Before God can be your Shepherd you must be a sheep and not a goat.
You must be a child of God. When God becomes your Father, He begins to lead, correct, direct and even carry you. He will be with you, leading and lead you to make right choices and also be with you in marriage. Genuine conversion is the key. Living your life daily for God is the access into a life time of blissful and joyful home. Getting acquainted God in daily prayers and study of the word and living in absolute holiness is the best gift you can give to yourself and your marital life.
- Your Foundation (Psalm 11:3). The right foundation is a pointer to a great marriage. Wrong foundation is the pillar of a turbulent marriage. If you get married on a shaky foundation of beauty, money, gift, outlook, talent, wealth, background, lust, sex, etc you might have sentenced yourself to a life time of agony and pains; but if you base your foundation on Christ Jesus, seeking the face of God in prayers, patience and counsel, going into it under the cover of divine direction committing into a pure courtship and honourable wedding, you’ve clearly laid a foundation of joy, peace, intimacy, love and harmony in your home.
- Your Preparation (Proverbs 16:1). Your preparation will also determine your marital destiny. The question is, how prepared are you for marriage? Are you just preparing for the wedding? Most people spend the majority of their time preparing for the wedding without spending enough time to prepare for their marriage. This is totally wrong. If you want a blissful home, prepare physically, materially, socially, financially, spiritually, morally, emotionally and intellectually for marriage. Failure to prepare is a preparation for failure. Read marriage books, listen to tapes, attend seminars, attend pre-marital training and marriage school.
- Prepare your mind to leave your parents and cleave to your spouse. Genesis 2:24
- Prepare to love your wife and serve her. Ephesians 5:25
- Prepare to submit to your husband, respect and obey him. Eph. 5:22,33
- Prepare to be a solid father and mother.
- Prepare to succeed in marriage.
- Who you are. Most people fail to ascertain who they are before getting married. Emphasis is usually on getting married to the best person. To get a good home, you need to change who you are, if you are not the best you should be. Check your character, habit, communication skill, relational, capacity, etc. All these must be re-trained if they are not okay because that is the only way you can make the most of your home because your character is your marriage.
- Who you get married to. Of course, who your spouse will also have a great effect on your marriage. If you marry an unbeliever, a backslider, a drunk, an occultic person, a cultist, etc you are not likely going to find it easy in that marriage. If you get married without any considerations for the future of your marriage but base your outlook choice on the outlook of the person without considering his/her character and relationship with God, you will definitely regret it.