Experiencing Real Sexual Intimacy
– Jimmy Evans.
God created sex and He created it good. When He sees a married couple enjoying sex and having fun and pleasuring each other, He says that is very good.
The devil doesn’t want us to believe that, of course. He wants us to think of God as looking at us in disapproval saying, “Oh, cut it out. I didn’t mean that!”
That is a lie.
Sex in marriage is wonderful and beautiful and something God has given us to enhance our relationship. We should enjoy it without any guilt whatsoever.If you think of God as anti-sex or think of sex as shameful, get those thoughts out of your mind. When God created Adam and Eve, they were naked and unashamed. Shame didn’t enter their lives until they listened to the devil.
Another sexual lie is pornography. When a man views porn, it changes the way he looks at women. He begins to objectify and disrespect them. Pornography under-emotionalizes and hyper-sexualizes women. Men who watch it or view it end up thinking, “I wish my wife was like that.”
Guys, those are not real women. For a real woman, sexual intimacy is tied up with emotion. She begins to feel sexual when she and her husband connect first on an emotional level. Men must reject the lie of pornography.
Meanwhile, women must reject the lies of romance novels, soap operas, and romantic movies and television. Those are emotional pornography. They are the opposite of visual porn, because they under-sexualize and hyper-emotionalize men.
Women watch these shows and read these books and think, “I wish my husband would just hold me like that” or “I wish he would just sit and talk with me like that.” But those are not real men.
While women are put in touch with their sexuality through their emotions, men are put in touch with their emotions through sex. God created us to balance each other. We have to come out of our world and enter into their world and love each other sacrificially.
That’s the biggest step toward finding true sexual fulfillment in marriage: We must approach sex with a sacrificial, servant spirit. This requires us to understand that the things we desire in sex are not necessarily what our spouse desires.
Soon after getting married, many couples realize their sexual desires are not quite in sync. The majority of men find that they are more sexual than their wives. Wives discover they are more emotional than their husbands.
In your married life, rarely are you both going to experience all the lights turning on for both of you at the same time—when your emotions and your sexuality both reach a perfect crescendo together.
But this shouldn’t matter, because approaching sex with a servant spirit means you choose to meet your spouse’s sexual and emotional needs…regardless of whether they line up with your own.
Don’t believe the devil’s lies about sex, and remember that sexual intimacy begins with sacrifice and servanthood. The greatest marriages are created from two servants in love.