WHAT MY MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT MARRIAGE
WHAT MY MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT MARRIAGE
My Mom is truly one of kind. Her quiet sense of strength is a reliable pillar as the head matriarch in my family. I understand not every girl gets to grow up with a live-in example to show her the ropes about marriage. But I’ve been blessed to take notes from birth and even now. And as a grown woman I can reflect on the valuable lessons I’ve learned from my Mom.
Here are 4 key takeaways I believe will help you secure and strengthen your relationship with Mr. Right!
1) LIVE WHAT YOU VOICE
You’ve probably seen a guy who completely zones out when his wife starts endlessly nagging to the tenth power. He can’t get a word in edge wise. Or a women who talks about what she’s about to do. And never gets to it. She would rather give excuses or cast the blame game instead of stepping up and pulling her share of the load.
My Mom has shown me that yes, you have to USE your voice. But you must also LIVE what you voice. Living your voice means walking the talk. Putting in work to strengthen and cover your husband and family. You’re a woman of your word.
Through the years, my Mom covered bases such as:
- Getting up to comfort me when I had nightmares and sleepless nights
- Purchasing workbooks to complete in whatever subject was our weakness over the summer
- Prepping dinner for last minute guests Dad invited over
- Making multiple trips out of town to find a cure for my equilibrium illness
- Caring for my cancer stricken grandparents
- Working with my Dad as he transitioned from employee to business owner
These sacrifices have definitely helped me blossom from girlhood to adulthood. I believe what you do for Mr. Right and your family, is often louder than what you say. And the impression lasts much longer than what you say.
BROWNIE POINT: A GREAT MAN WON’T DENY LOVING A WOMAN WHO KNOWS HOW TO SPEAK WITH HER HEART AND LOVE WITH HER ACTIONS.
2) BUILD HIM UP VS. BREAKING HIM DOWN
I’ve known several women who air their marital dirty laundry out for the whole world to see. I once knew a woman who outright dismissed her husband’s looks and told him to shut up. This was at a barbecue and I mean the whole festive mood was shut down after her remark. It was such a SMH moment, you could have heard a fly eating. (Inside, I felt like having a “D***!” moment like Ice Cube and Chris Tucker on the movie Friday.) I knew if she was bold enough to put him on blast in public, it could only be worse behind closed doors.
My Mom has shown me that using discretion about your personal affairs is a key way to build up your husband. Never have I heard her cuss my Dad out. Never have I seen her call him out around his peers or clients. She has earned my Dad’s trust a thousand times over. He has safely confided in her about his feelings, desires, weaknesses, and ambitions for many years.
Men crave respect. So when you break down a man’s dignity and embarrass him, he’ll have a hard time recovering from this. And may emotionally disengage and even physically detach himself from the relationship altogether. My Mom has faithfully stood by my Dad when others attacked his integrity. She’s even covered him during UNO games just so he could win. She protects my Dad whether in public or private. In doing so, she also builds herself up. After all, two become one; so what impacts him, will ultimately impact her.
3) FIRST LOVES AREN’T ALWAYS THE BEST LOVES
My Mom was engaged to another man before dating my Dad. Three guys thought I was their wife before choosing someone else to wed. Crushes appear and dissipate overnight. Relationships come and go. But there’s just something about a first love, right? Mysteriously he may stay deeply tucked within the attic of your heart. But it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s the guy who’ll get the best of you. Or “thee One” you’ll walk down the aisle towards on your wedding day.
Loving someone takes a lot of courage. But “letting go to get greater” is a risk many women fail to take. My Mom has taught me that you can’t hang on to the chains of yesterday if you want change for tomorrow. She’s a living witness of a woman who opened her heart to love again. And this year she and my Dad are celebrating forty years of marriage. Amazing. Now I’m just hoping to follow in her footsteps as well!
BROWNIE POINT: JUST BECAUSE HE’S THE FIRST LOVE, DOESN’T MEAN HE SHOULD BE THE FINAL LOVE.
4) SHARE A CORE MISSION WITH THE MAN YOU MARRY
My parents met when they were teenagers and after arriving to the U.S. from Haiti. (Their love story was absolutely written in heaven.) After marriage, they didn’t lose ties with their native country. And in 1981, my Dad formed the Haitian Environmental Support Program, a non-profit that provides food, clothing, and education to children in Haiti.
With a heart full love my Mom has joined my Dad on mission trips. She has sent an array of toys, clothes, Bibles, school supplies, and medicine to many Haitian children.
My parents share the special bond of giving. That’s what helps fuel their marriage and keep them working in harmony. My Mom has taught me that life is more fulfilling when you have a mate who not only walks beside you, but works besides you. When considering a potential spouse, make sure you share a special bond that makes both of you come alive…and contributes to helping the world become a better place.
Overall, my Mom has taught me about marriage by being a walking billboard of faithfulness to God, her husband, and family. I don’t know where I would be without her love in my life. Mom, thank you. You’re truly a gift that keeps giving and I aspire to be a remarkable wife and mother like you one day soon!
What lessons about men and marriage have you learned from your Mother or even Grandmother? What qualities do you plan to bring to support your future marriage? Drop a comment below. I would love to hear from you!
By Kimberly ‘Brownie’ Vaughn