QUARREL IN MARRIAGE: 4 STEPS TO MAKE PEACE (Matt. 19:12-17)
First step: Direct reconciliation. Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone, if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother (Matt. 18:15).
The most mature among couples are those who take a step towards reconciliation, ignoring silent treatment, cold war, or internal battle. Call your spouse in the spirit of love and meekly apologize for your own part in the misunderstanding. Never think that you did nothing wrong. Settle amicably and do not report to anybody.
Second step: One or two settlement. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witness every word may be established (Matt 18:16). If you find it difficult to settle the issue by yourselves, then you can consult your counsellor or an elderly godly couple who you know will not be biased but treat the issue with the wisdom of God. It is wise to bring in your counselor.
Third step: Inform your pastor. And if he shall neglect to hear them tell it unto the church…(Matt 18:17) Your pastor is never a third party in your marriage. His is a “supporting hand”. Bring him in before things get out of hands, even when you have agreed not to tell anybody. Go and tell your pastor secretly; he will handle it professionally. You can also involve the marriage committee of the church.
Fourth step: Convert treatment. But if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto as a hearthen man and a publican (Matt. 18:17).
If your spouse fails to listen to your pastor, then you can treat him as an unbeliever that needs to be converted, like someone you are preaching to. Offer love and forgiveness. Be patient, kind and prayerful; all will be well.