– Bisi Adewale

Sex is too serious an issue in marriage to be handle with levity. A sexless marriage is dangerous to itself, the couples involved, and even people around them.

Until your marriage gets to the fifth level, (fulfilment level) I still judge it as a sexless one. Everybody deserves to be fulfilled sexually in his/her marriage. Always remember that to get to the level of sexual fulfilment in marriage, both parties should pay attention to their sex life with the aim of satisfying each other.

Most women view sexual fulfilment from the angle of “Quality” (performance) of sex while men view it from the angle of “Quality” and “Quantity” (frequency). One funny thing about sex in marriage is, you can increase the quantity of sex by focusing on the quality. Hence, if you want the best from your wife, give her your best foreplay and thrusting anytime you sleep with her, then she will desire for more of that, thereby increasing “quantity”.

Let me now open your eyes to the dangers of a sexless marriage:

(1) Adultery: The greatest danger of lack of sexual fulfilment at home is adultery. Though people involved have no excuse to be unfaithful, we need to tell all couples that, the best way to avoid infidelity in your home is to satisfy each other sexually.

In recent research in America, 41percent of people confessed to having cheated on their spouses; while 25 percent said it was because they were looking for better sex; 18 percent said they were looking for adventure; only 9 percent said it is for ego-boosting. Every couple should build a good and deep sexual life so as to avoid infidelity as much as possible.

(2) Other sexual immoralities: Apart from adultery, sexless marriages promote other sexual immoralities such as masturbation, incest, rape, etc. Though sexual denial is not a genuine reason for these kinds of sexual misbehavior, good and exciting sex in a marriage may help to eliminate them.

(3) It promotes anger and strife: Men are known to take it angrily when their wife denies them sex. They do see it as a rejection of their manhood. This will lead to anger and unnecessary strife. To avoid these, women should learn to satisfy their men. Also, they should reject their husbands’ advances (if they must) with wisdom. Husbands also should learn to behave maturely when their wives cannot meet their needs.

(4) Frustration: Sexless marriages do lead to frustration. This can lead to a crisis at home.

(5) Bitterness, malice, resentment: This can also come up due to sexual frustration. This should be prevented as much as possible.

(6) Constant misunderstanding: It can generate unnecessary misunderstanding and argument. In a sexless marriage, it is easy for negative remarks, zero communication, and fence building to occur. Little misunderstanding can also lead to a major crisis.

(7) Generally bad marriage: Sexless marriage more often does lead to bad marriages where attack counter-attack, counter-attack, wicked actions, aggressive and corrosive reactions, bad remarks, abusive words, curses, slander, etc, are very common. Unfortunately, couples don’t always talk about their sexual frustration. Even when they are talking to their counselors, they often talk about something else pretending that everything is well in the bedroom, but bottled anger is always evident. Loveless-ness is glaring, lack of intimacy, togetherness, unity, closeness, and one-ness is the order of the day.

(8) Separation / Divorce: One of the signs of a bad marriage is a lack of excitement in the bedroom and permanent withdrawal from anything that involves sex and romance. This leads to sexual and emotional separation before it ends in physical separation and divorce if nothing is done to address the situation. No matter what is happening in a marriage, experts believe that in as much as couples are still having sex, the relationship still looks healthy. But as soon as they vow never to sleep together again, then know that the marriage is finished.

(9) Scape-goating:  transfer aggression is common in a sexless marriage. You see the man beating the children unnecessarily; fighting the house girl, shouting on everybody without any cause just to vent his anger.

(10) Wife battering: This is also common in a sexless marriage. Men constantly see wives that deny them sex as wicked and difficult. So they go all out to punish, or even beat them, as the case may be. While wives should try as much as possible to improve their bedroom skills to avoid a crisis at home, men should realize that they have no right to beat their wives for denying them sex. In fact, it is often said that MEN that beat their wives are BEASTS.